The Power of Forgiveness
“Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” ~ Ephesians 4:32
There are few things as critical to our walk with Christ as the act of forgiveness, and few things as difficult. For some of us, forgiving is one of the hardest works we will do as Christ followers. The hurts we face can leave us shattered, broken-hearted, and disillusioned. Yet the central message of Christianity is one of forgiveness. Gad has thoroughly forgiven us; far be it from us to not forgive. Even so, we often do so without giving it a second thought.
This is how I lived well into my thirties. Blind to the extent of the bitterness I was carrying, I hid years of unforgiveness in plain sight. It festered just beneath the surface. I kept a loop of offenses on repeat in my mind. It manifested in suppressed anger. It prevented me from fully engaging in authentic relationships. After all, who wants to risk such hurt again? Maybe you know how that feels?
But at some point, perhaps as I did, you stumble upon such verses as Luke 6:27-28 that says, “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” The words catch in our throat. They pierce our hearts. Jesus is telling us something so counterintuitive, so outlandish, that it seems impossible. He is offering us the remedy for unforgiveness.
How often had I read this verse and inadvertently ignored it, unaware of the mound of unforgiveness I was carrying? It wasn’t until I was faced with a two-year stint of excruciating back pain that I finally took notice. Ten health practitioners later, and amid ever-worsening pain, I finally got on my knees. I cried out to God, asking him to show me what it was all about.
In his mercy, God showed me I had a bitterness problem. Then he packed my life with people and situations that helped me untangle this deeply-rooted pattern of behaviour. To give you an idea of the extent of the issue, when I listed those I hadn’t forgiven, I ended up with twenty names. I’d failed to consider this truth: hadn’t I needed to be forgiven too? If not by another human being, certainly by God? How easy it was to overlook my sin while ruminating on the sins of others!
Romans 3:23 reminds us, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” While that sin always hurts God, it often hurts us and others as well. Even so, we rank sin. We dismiss our own sin while failing to let another off the hook for theirs. The truth is, Jesus died for the sins of all people, including ours. Jesus’ death freed us from the chains of our sin and the bondage of the sin enacted upon us by others.
Jesus is serious about unforgiveness, and rightfully so. He took on the sin of the world and suffered in our place so God could forgive us. But Jesus didn’t merely display complete forgiveness using his final, fading breaths to forgive those crucifying him; he taught about it beforehand, issuing serious warnings about unforgiveness.
When asked how many times a person should forgive, Jesus answers, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times” (Matthew 18:22), effectively telling us to forgive without limit. He proceeds to illustrate what happens when we don’t forgive in the parable of the merciless servant who was forgiven an unrepayable debt but compelled another to repay a small debt (see Matthew 18:23-35). Jesus points out our propensity to disregard our own faults, saying, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? (Matthew 7:3). Forgiveness is so critical that Jesus includes it in the Lord’s Prayer, saying, “And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors” (Matthew 6:12).
When we cling to various hurts and withhold forgiveness, we effectively become the merciless servant. When we overlook our own sin, judge others’ sin, or double down on unforgiveness, we distort the gospel. Thinking we are harming another by holding onto the offense, we only harm ourselves. We inflict repeated damage to our own souls and hinder the flow of God’s forgiveness.
In God’s kingdom, forgiveness is non-negotiable. Even so, we will never feel like forgiving another person. Forgiveness is an act of obedience. Sometimes an act of sheer will. It is setting aside our way for God’s way and trusting him for the outcome. It is entrusting our brokenness from deep wounds to his healing and having faith to believe he will carry us and heal us.
Forgiving someone does not mean what they did was okay. It’s not forgetting the offense—as if that were possible—or minimizing the wrong. Nor is it permitting them to harm you again or returning to be harmed. Wisdom and boundaries are needed. But forgiveness is releasing that person to God and not keeping a record of the wrong. It’s forgiving, as we've been forgiven. In doing so, we become lighter. We become free. We become more like the One we profess to follow.
When we forgive, we are closest to the heart of God. This is why forgiveness is powerful. We are behaving like Jesus. When we free the offender to God, we free ourselves from any power they have over us. No longer are we imprisoned by flare-ups of anger, hatred, or recycled bitterness. Instead, we are freed from the bondage of bitterness and empowered by God’s love.
For me, forgiveness was like open-heart surgery. It healed the narrow flow of God’s love in my relationships. Once I forgave my list of twenty people—which felt impossible—my body began a repair job no practitioner had been able to facilitate. After forgiving, I even managed to bless them which was as hard if not harder than forgiving. It seemed once my spirit aligned with God’s ways, my spine followed and the pain disappeared. Even more remarkable was the inner healing that occurred.
As it turns out, forgiveness is not a one-time event. In the seventeen years since, if ever I feel the slightest twinge in my spine, I perform a quick soul check to see if I am withholding forgiveness. If so, I repent, pray for help, then forgive and bless the person who hurt me. Though I’m not perfect, I’ve come to think of forgiveness as a spiritual discipline.
When we practice forgiveness—by offering the same unmerited mercy God gives us—we grow in holiness and wholeness. Our spiritual, mental, and physical health improves when we no longer drag around hatred and toxic bitterness. Jesus says, “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:44-45). I don’t know about you, but I want nothing more than to be one of God’s kids and reflect Jesus.
How do you know if you have forgiven? Here are three soul checks:
You feel a stab in your chest if their name comes up in conversation
You prefer not to be in the same room with them and if you were, you would ignore them
You repeat the offense in your mind or to others (sometimes years after)
Steps to Forgiveness:
Bring your hurt to God, trusting him to help you.
Ask God to forgive you for harboring bitterness and unforgiveness.
Ask God to help you forgive the hurt - it feels impossible to do it alone.
Forgive the person - you won’t feel like doing it; it is a willful act of obedience.
Pray for and bless the person - this is how you become fully free.
