How My Mom Taught Me Sacrificial Love
There is a kind of otherworldly strength woven into the heart of a mother; a deep reservoir from which they draw. I witnessed this strength in my mom, but could hardly appreciate her quiet sacrifice and priceless deposits into my life until I became a mom myself. Only then did I begin to realize that being a mom is like becoming a living, breathing sacrifice. It’s a daily laying down of your life filled with these little people. As it turns out, motherhood is a life-long mission.
It’s tricky, if not impossible, to traverse motherhood while remaining selfish. These tiny humans are demanding. They require nourishment and nurture; they consume our sleeping and waking hours. As they grow, they need our attention, direction, wisdom, steadiness, and love. Being a mother who sacrifices for those God has entrusted to her is no small thing.
My mother is the epitome of this. A gracious, humble, and compassionate little British lady, in my growing up years, she wasn’t one to bombard her kids with advice or correction. She wasn’t perfect—whose mother is—but her example, presence, and help (along with a healthy dose of God’s grace) gave me the strength and insight to raise my four children. Throughout the years I have spent with her, I’ve learned a lot about sacrifice, not from what she said but from all the things she quietly did.
Ten ways my mom taught me sacrificial love without saying a word:
1. She braved difficulties with quiet strength.
We immigrated to Canada when I was five. For the first six months, we had to stay with relatives while we got established. The overseas move was a hard transition for my young parents. Leaving their loved ones, friends, and livelihood behind to start over in a new country was challenging. Living with another family wasn’t easy. Until recently, I had no idea that during these first few months, while training to get her hair stylist license, my mom would stand at the bus stop each morning in tears. I never knew how hard she was struggling. I never saw her cry. I realize now that she struggled in private to protect my sister and me and to ensure we felt safe as we adjusted to a new country and school. This quiet struggle, and countless others I knew little about, embody the strength of a mother protecting her children and taught me to endure seasons of hardship without complaint or overburdening my children.
2. She listened even when she was exhausted or busy.
Listening to clients’ life stories is part of a hair stylist's job. After listening to people all day, my mom would come home to listen to my sister, my dad, and me tell her about our day. I can remember her standing in front of the stove stirring something in a pot and nodding and uttering small exclamations of, “Uh huh…yes…oh wow” to my stories. It’s only now that I realize that she was utterly spent but still pouring out the last of her strength to give me attention while trying to get a meal on the table. From this posture, my mother taught me the importance of listening to my kids, of looking at them when they speak, or stopping what I’m doing to make them a priority.
3.She showed love to others, even when it wasn’t accepted or practical.
On my way home from school, I would often stop at the salon where my mom worked. On more than one occasion, people with developmental delays would be sitting in the waiting room, chatting with my mom. Apparently, like me, they too liked to stop by on their way home to visit my mom. At the same time, my mom would be making a client in her chair feel beautiful. She didn’t seem to worry about what others thought or worry that these interruptions would annoy her customers. She made space for us. Even as a young girl, her care for others taught me acceptance and kindness for all people, even those who are different or find themselves on the outskirts of society. Years later, I look back on this loving acceptance with awe.
4. She gave her time and skill to bless others.
My mother loves to knit. Growing up, my sister and I would receive a beautiful handmade sweater for our birthday or Christmas. I have no idea how many hours she spent making these for us, but even back then, I appreciated her skill and labor of love. When I wear one of her sweaters, I think about the fact that every inch of yarn that has composed it has passed through her fingers. I am wrapped in my mother’s love. From this, I learned that we take what we have—our gifts, skills, and time—to help and bless others. To make them feel special and loved.
5. She cared for others who could no longer care for themselves.
Recently, after 55 years of hairdressing, my mom retired. Her final post was at a retirement home where she worked once a week doing the residents' hair. She paired that with mobile hairdressing for her elderly clients who could no longer visit the salon. For me, this was another act of grace. Showing up week after week and, in her gentle way, giving dignity and care to those who needed help, to make them feel beautiful again. On rare occasions, she would tell of a resident who had passed away. How many others had there been she hadn’t spoken of? Even in this, she quietly carried heartache without burdening others.
6.She created a home that felt like a haven from the world.
Even though she worked full-time, my mom managed to keep our home pristine. I’ll never forget the glass coffee and side tables in our living room, or the smell of Windex from her endless dusting to keep them clean. She was well-organized, and our home was spotless and uncluttered. Even though we didn’t have a dryer, our clothes were always washed and folded at the ends of our beds. She made our home a haven without complaining, and she taught us how to do the same. I’ve never quite managed to be as organized or as careful with my time, but I admire the way she made our house a home with her care and without complaint.
7. She gave what little she had without announcing it.
My mom is wise with her finances. She didn’t earn a lot, but in many ways, she is the richest person I know. The way she lives her life is admirable. She doesn’t live beyond her means. She is careful with her budgeting and spending, and she saved her earnings so that growing up we were never in need. There have been many ways she has helped others from the proceeds of her work. And like everything she did, she never said a word to draw attention to it. Often I glimpsed her quietly reaching into her purse to discreetly remove money or experienced her charity firsthand. Her quiet generosity is a character trait I seek to emulate.
8. She never spoke ill of people or gossiped.
My mom looks for the best in people. If I told her about friends who had let me down, she would explain why they might have behaved that way. As a young girl, I recall being annoyed and feeling like she was taking their side. Over the years, it helped me see another’s point of view and kindled compassion rather than hatred. Her approach taught me that hating is easy and lazy, but compassion and forgiveness are necessary work.
My mom’s job would have afforded her all sorts of juicy gossip, but she was like a vault. I may have known her customers' names, but I never knew their secrets. In that way, she taught me that the things people tell you in confidence are sacred and need to be protected.
9. She anchored my life with her help and presence.
During the years I homeschooled our kids, my mom often came over to babysit or help me sort and tidy. When our eldest neared high school, it was my mom who offered to look after our youngest daughter twice a week if I wanted to continue homeschooling. Her offer was the catalyst for continuing to school the eldest three through grade 12. So often, I wondered what I would do without my mom’s help, encouragement, sacrifice of time, and calm, steady presence. Now my kids are grown (my youngest is just finishing high school), I have transitioned into supporting my adult children in their journey. More than ever, I think of the sacrifices my mom made to help me over the years. I hope my children remember me the same.
10. She hasn’t stopped helping or caring for me.
They say once a mother, always a mother. My mom turns eighty this year, and I see that motherhood is a lifelong journey. As we have for years, my mom and I still meet once a week for coffee. These days, life isn’t so hectic and there are fewer interruptions. The growing-up years are behind us, and we can laugh at the memories: the good, the bad, and the ugly. In years to come, we will switch roles, and all the years of care and sacrifice she lavished on me will be returned to her in full, even though she would never expect it or want to burden me. But for now, I’ll soak in the sacred space shared between us, that of mother and daughter who have spent a lifetime loving one another.
It strikes me that my mom, and many like her, exhibit the characteristics of Jesus. She isn’t outwardly religious. Like everything else in her life, her faith is quiet and unassuming, but her actions reflect God’s love. Kindness emanates from her. She makes time for the less fortunate. She creates more than enough from little. She listens, helps, steadies, and supports. She suffers quietly and doesn’t draw any attention to herself or her good works. She has given her life for others.
Jesus lived a perfect life. He wasn’t religious, but his actions reflected His Father’s love. Kindness and love emanated from him. He spent time with the outcasts and sinners, and the sick and forgotten—those whom others avoided or judged. He gave up his time to listen, help, heal, steady, and support. He suffered quietly, saying not a word, and sacrificed his life for others.
Our mothers’ example doesn’t have to end with them. It can live on in all of us. Sacrificial love isn’t found in grand gestures as much as in the quiet, daily choices to give, to serve, and to put others first. What would it look like for us to carry that forward today? To love a little more selflessly, to show up and listen when it’s inconvenient, to give when it costs something? By God’s grace, our mothers’ legacy continues not merely in being remembered, but in being lived.
