Why my mom didn’t bail me out of credit card debt
Summer of 2009. I was a university student and I had $250 in my bank account and $250 on my credit card with no work until the fall. At the bank, when the teller told me the news, I knew I needed to do SOMETHING. At the time, credit card limits for students were $500 so I’d be in the deep end fast.
After leaving the bank and calling my mom. I explained the situation, asked nicely for a transfer of cash which she denied, then I tried harder and she continued to deny my requests. This was a new thing for me because she had always just helped me in the past. I pulled my final strings and her tone escalated with more and more impatience. Her final words to me were… “I am not helping you. You wasted all your money and that’s your problem. GET A JOB!” and she hung up the phone.
She didn’t answer my calls for weeks afterwards.
What happened?
I furiously searched for a part time job immediately, with a lot of urgency because my backup plan had failed. The manager at the Waterloo Tennis Club hired me as a receptionist and bar tender (this was no Coyote Ugly, it was more of ‘beers after tennis’ type crowd) and I started working full time while I was in university full time. We were paid minimum wage, $10/hr at the time, plus tips and if I made $7 in a night, I was happy.
School finished at 4pm and I started work at 5pm weekdays. The courts closed around 10 or 11pm and the court cleaners started there. While the courts were closed, I was available often until 12noon or 1am to turn the lights off and close down the club house when the court maintenance was complete. My manager was understanding of my school position and gave me the grace to study and work in the downtime I was at the club. There were tough times that I cried, that I had to plead with my manager to switch shifts and I was overwhelmed by midterms but hey, I got thru it and I got myself out of the problem even through the hard stuff.
While I was in the tight spot and until I had a good balance back in my accounts, I was very, very careful about what I purchased. I didn’t buy a water bottle at the convenience store. My main meals for a few weeks were: 1. Tofu, broccoli, rice 2. Low fat hot dogs, bread, mustard. 3. Eggs. I didn’t go to the club (which was part of what got me into this mess in the first place), I didn’t drive anywhere unnecessary, I didn’t buy any clothes (this was the other part of my problem because I was decked out in the highest end Italian designers with $0 to my name).
At the end of the day, I felt the challenges that came with digging myself out of a tough spot that are appropriate challenges given I got myself into that spot. Those challenges grew my self esteem in ways that no one can talk you into, no meme can inspire and no motivational speaker can bolster up. And thankfully, I’ve never got back into the same position again.
Here are a few lessons I learned in the process that apply so well to mothers raising their kids to be confidence in managing their finances.
Your adult children can work hard and be successful. When they are over 18, they can learn to balance their time with their school work load and will be more confident adults as a result. Doing hard things grows us in confidence, self esteem and creates responsible and capable adults.
Your adult children will learn how to adapt. Cutting down costs for a time period of lower income is a great skill for your kids to learn and feel the difference in. It makes them appreciate the finer things in a more special way, and it gives them the confidence and the skills to be able to wisely cut back in the future. When they already know they can do it and they have done it before successfully, they can easily do it again.
Your adult children will be responsible for their finances. At some point, they need to be cut off. Honestly. They won’t like it but it’s necessary. This doesn’t mean you can’t support them with gifts and special injections of cash (those are always wanted). But it does mean that they stand on their own two feet and can get by in life without their parent’s finances to lean on.
I hope this inspires you to be a woman and mother that inspires their kids to be fruitful and confident with their finances. Happy Mother’s Day, yall.
