Held in the Fire: A Testimony of Faith, Loss, and Wholeness
I was seeing patients, leading workouts, and caring for my young children with a startling efficiency and smile—while feeling numb and dead inside.
From the outside, I looked fine. Functional. Focused. But on the inside, I was unraveling. After the initial crippling, soul-wrenching pain of losing someone too young—someone who meant everything—came a quieter ache. One that felt like betrayal. I knew God could have stopped it. I believed He had the power to spare us this devastating tragedy. So why didn’t He? That question haunted me. I felt abandoned by the very One I had always trusted, and the weight of that spiritual disorientation was almost heavier than the grief itself.
Loss doesn’t just hurt—it disorients. And grief isn’t always bereavement. It can show up in the loss of anything that matters to us such as a relationship, health diagnosis, or dream. At first, people gather around you. They check in. But slowly, the world returns to its rhythm, and if you're not careful, so do you—except you're not really living. You're on autopilot. High-functioning. Smiling. Hollow. That was me. Sandra 1.0, before Jesus saved me.
What finally nudged me awake wasn’t a dramatic moment. It was a quiet one. A devotional email that I almost didn’t open one morning with the verse from John 10:10: “I have come that they may have life, and have it more abundantly.” It stirred something in me knowing Jesus came that we may live life to the fullest. Jeremiah 29:11 is a verse I also clung to, it whispered again of hope and a future. Not despite the loss—but shaped by it.
So I decided to intentionally start living end, by God’s grace I wanted to live fully again. I started with small daily decisions to care for the body and soul gifted to me by the One who knit me in my mother’s womb, who knows the number of hairs on my head, and who gave His life for mine.
I reached back into what I knew as a pharmacist and wellness educator—but now from a place of grace, not performance. I focused on:
Gut health, to support mood and clarity
Prayer and Scripture Reading, to focus my eyes and heart on God
Meditation and breath work, anchored in prayer
Movement, for strength and mental wellbeing
Sleep, to let my body and mind actually rest
Community, to feel connected
These were not fixes. They were lifelines. They helped me move through grief, not around it. They helped me start to feel again.
Today, I live with deep gratitude. Not because life is perfect, but because I’ve seen how God can rebuild what feels shattered.
I’m now part of a blended and blessed family, something I never imagined in the early days of grief. It’s a beautiful, redemptive chapter—woven tenderly into the one before it. Both matter. Both are part of me. There is room for sorrow and joy, memory and new life, legacy and new beginnings.
Jesus is still my hope. He never left me. And through Him—and through strategies that nourished both body and spirit—I found my way back to wholeness.
If you are walking through grief, in any form, please know:
You don’t need to rush.
You don’t need to pretend.
You don’t need to be healed to be held.
The God who held the lions’ mouth shut for Daniel, parted the sea for Moses and died for you can turn it around. He isn’t done with you and came to earth so you may live a life of abundance.
You are still here for a purpose, wildly and relentlessly loved by the One who will never leave you.
By Sandra Tadros Guirguis
About the author of this month’s HER STORY
Sandra Tadros Guirguis is the author of Embracing Abundance, a journey to wellness and wholeness through faith and self-care. Here’s more about the book:
Are you ready to embrace abundance? The author combines her experiences as an Orthodox Christian, healthcare professional, fitness expert, and grief survivor to guide you to a more balanced life.
In this book, she explores the many facets of wellness from mental health and stress management to nutrition and self-care. Her insights are grounded in professional and personal experience and offer a relatable perspective. She provides practical tools to help build resilience in the face of adversity. Her heartfelt reflections on grief offer solace and support.
Whether you seek to strengthen your faith or foster more meaningful connections, this is your roadmap to a life of vitality.
