Seeing Yourself Through God’s Eyes
“Love your neighbor as yourself.” — Mark 12:31
When Jesus was asked about the greatest commandment, He spoke of loving God and loving others. But tucked within that command is an often-overlooked truth: we cannot give away what we do not possess. Healthy love for others is built upon a healthy understanding of who we are in Christ.
After our relationship with Jesus, the relationship we have with ourselves may be the most influential relationship in our lives. It shapes our confidence, our boundaries, our decisions, our purpose, and even how we show up in our marriages, friendships, workplaces, churches, and communities. Yet for many women, the inner dialogue is anything but loving. We criticize ourselves for not being enough. We compare ourselves to others. We focus on our weaknesses rather than our strengths. We carry shame from past mistakes. We minimize the gifts God has given us while magnifying our shortcomings.
Over time, self-criticism becomes so familiar that we mistake it for humility. But God never asks us to diminish who He created us to be.
What Holds Women Back?
Many women have learned to measure their worth by performance, appearance, productivity, approval, or comparison. Social media fuels comparison. Culture celebrates perfection. Past wounds whisper lies. The enemy of our souls seeks to convince us that we are inadequate, unworthy, and incapable. Yet Scripture tells a different story.
Psalm 139:14: “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
David wasn’t expressing arrogance. He was expressing gratitude for God’s craftsmanship.
Ephesians 2:10: “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
You are not an accident. You are God’s workmanship, intentionally designed with gifts, passions, experiences, and strengths that serve His purposes.
Romans 12:6: “We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us.”
God never intended us to compare. He intended us to contribute. Comparison keeps us focused on someone else’s assignment instead of stewarding our own.
Anchoring Your Identity in Christ
The healthiest relationship with yourself begins when you stop defining yourself by what you do and start defining yourself by whose you are.
Your identity is not:
Your job title
Your relationship status
Your income
Your appearance
Your accomplishments
Your failures
Your identity is rooted in Christ. You are loved. You are chosen. You are forgiven. You are equipped. You are gifted. You are called. When we truly believe these truths, confidence becomes less about self-promotion and more about agreement with God. Biblical confidence says: “God created me on purpose and for a purpose.”
An Exercise I Use Personally and With Coaching Clients: A.H.A.
One of the most practical tools I’ve found for increasing self-awareness and personal growth is the simple acronym:
A — Awareness
Notice. Pay attention to moments when:
You feel energized.
You naturally excel.
Others are encouraged by something you do.
You experience joy while serving.
You repeatedly receive positive feedback.
Awareness also includes noticing areas where you’re struggling, stuck, or misaligned. Without awareness, growth is impossible.
Ask yourself:
What comes naturally to me?
What drains me?
Where do I see God’s fingerprints in my life?
What strengths do others consistently notice in me?
H — Honesty
Don’t minimize what you’ve discovered. Many women can easily identify weaknesses but struggle to acknowledge strengths. Honesty means embracing both.
Be truthful about:
Your gifts
Your limitations
Your habits
Your motivations
Your opportunities for growth
Ask:
Why am I responding this way?
What patterns keep showing up?
What is God trying to teach me?
What fears or beliefs may be holding me back?
Growth begins where honesty begins.
A — Action
Awareness without action changes nothing. Take a next step.
That may mean:
Asking for help.
Working with a coach or mentor.
Meeting with a Christian counselor.
Taking a faith-based assessment.
Serving in an area aligned with your gifts.
Learning a new skill.
Practicing healthier self-talk.
Most importantly, thank God for how He created you. Gratitude silences comparison. When we thank God for our own design, we become less distracted by someone else’s.
Practical Ways to Strengthen Your Relationship with Yourself
1. Replace Self-Criticism with Self-Reflection
Instead of asking: “What’s wrong with me?”
Ask: “What can I learn from this?”
Reflection produces growth. Criticism produces shame.
2. Keep a Strengths Journal
For 30 days, write down:
One thing you did well.
One way you served someone.
One gift God used that day.
This simple exercise trains your brain to notice evidence of God’s work in your life.
3. Stop Comparing Assignments
Someone else’s strength does not diminish yours. The Body of Christ needs every part functioning as God intended. Celebrate others without questioning your own value.
4. Spend Time with God Before Social Media
Let God’s voice shape your identity before the world tries to.
5. Ask Trusted People What They See in You
Often others recognize our strengths before we do. Ask three trusted people: “What gifts, strengths, or qualities do you see God using most in my life?” Their answers may reveal themes worth exploring. God isn’t asking you to become someone else. He’s inviting you to become more fully who He created you to be. A healthy relationship with yourself is not vanity. It’s stewardship.
When you understand your identity in Christ, embrace your God-given design, and faithfully develop what He has entrusted to you, you become free to love others more fully, serve more effectively, and walk more confidently in your calling.
The goal isn’t perfection. The goal is alignment. And alignment begins with seeing yourself the way God already does. Amen.
Resources that can help you discover your unique identity:
● TruCenter Assessment — A faith-based assessment that helps people discover their God-given motivations, strengths, and sense of calling through personal story and reflection. (TruCenter)
● SHAPE Assessment — Helps identify your Spiritual Gifts, Heart, Abilities, Personality, and Experiences to better understand how God has designed you for service and purpose. (Generations Church)
● TRAC Coaching Assessment — A Christian coaching and personal development tool focused on awareness, purpose, growth, and spiritual formation. (TakeTRAC)
Contact Stéphanie Rourke Jackson, Life & Leadership Coach for a free 30 minute clarity call: stephanie@beaconcoaching.ca
