Rooted and Rising: Navigating Mother-Daughter Relationships with Grace and Boundaries
May invites us to celebrate motherhood in all its complexity. It’s a time for honoring the women who raised us, the daughters we’re raising, and reflecting on the women we are still becoming. Yet for many, Mother’s Day can stir a mix of gratitude and grief, closeness and conflict. The mother-daughter relationship—so intimate, so formative—is often one of the most tender and tangled parts of a woman’s life.
As women of faith, we carry a deep desire to love well. We want to honor our mothers, cherish our daughters, and live fully into our God-given identity. But honoring doesn’t mean losing ourselves. Can we just park it here for a moment and truly reflect on understanding that honouring does not mean losing ourselves!! And loving doesn’t mean sacrificing our peace. There is a sacred space where both are possible—a space where we can be rooted in who we are, and still rise into who we’re meant to be.
Rooted in Memory and Identity
Some of my favorite memories with my mom go all the way back to childhood—shopping trips to Holt Renfrew or Willie Wonderful, just the two of us, picking out outfits (sometimes matching) and feeling like the world was full of possibility. We’d have tea together in quiet moments, or share laughter on family vacations in Barbados where time seemed to slow down. As I got older, our bond evolved. We found new rhythms as adult women—spa days, interesting conversations, and shared silences that felt safe, sacred, and sometimes frustrating, to be honest.
When my mom passed away last year, in April 2024, the ache of her absence became visceral. I miss her laughter, her (sometimes unrealistic optimism), her silliness, her voice. And yet, I’ve found that she still shows up—in my memories, in the wisdom she left behind, and in the way I mother my own children. I am still rooted in her love, even as live out my own journey of life, which was often in conflict with her traditions.
Here's the most important thing to remember: before we are daughters, mothers, or anything else, we are beloved children of God. The foundation of every healthy relationship begins with knowing who we are in Him. Scripture tells us, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). That truth doesn’t change—no matter what family patterns we come from.
When we ground ourselves in divine identity, we are better equipped to manage the pressures and expectations that sometimes come with being someone’s daughter. We are less likely to get lost in trying to please or fix, and more empowered to live in truth and grace.
Rising with Boundaries and Grace
Even with all the beauty in our relationship, there were moments that required courage, honesty, and boundaries. Like many mothers and daughters, we didn’t always see eye-to-eye. But I learned over time that boundaries are not rejections—they’re necessary for healthy connection. They allow love to grow without overwhelm. They create space to breathe.
Proverbs 4:23 reminds us, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Guarding your heart doesn’t mean hardening it. It means creating space for emotional safety, mutual respect, and clear communication.
When we begin to rise into our own identity—especially in adulthood—it’s natural for tension to arise. Our growth can challenge old family dynamics. But we can set boundaries with love. We can say no without guilt, express needs without shame, and protect peace without apology.
Grace for Generations
As I navigate life without my mom, I’m more intentional about how I show up for my own children, even thought all three of them are now (gulp) adults! I want them to feel both held and free (roots & wings)—to know they are loved unconditionally, and also encouraged to become fully themselves. If you’re a mother, your relationship with your own mom—healthy or hard—does not define the kind of mother you will be. You get to choose. You get to rewrite the script. And even if you’re not a mother, your healing still matters. It blesses the whole community of women around you.
Scripture reminds us in Isaiah 61:3 that God gives us “beauty for ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning.” Your growth, your boundaries, your healing—they matter. Not just for you, but for every daughter who follows.
Practical Tips: Strengthening Relationships with Grace and Boundaries
Pause and Pray Before Difficult Conversations: Invite the Holy Spirit into the space before you speak. Ask for wisdom (James 1:5), and let peace guide your tone. There were many times I had to pray for gentleness, patience, and discernment when being with my mom, not because of her, but because I understood my own tendencies and limitations.
Use “I” Statements, Not Accusations: Instead of “You never listen,” say, “I feel unheard when…” This helps de-escalate conflict and encourages open dialogue.
Know Your Limits: It’s okay to limit the length or depth of interactions that drain you. Healthy boundaries protect your emotional energy.
Create Rituals of Joy: If your relationship is strong or healing, find small ways to bond—walks, shared devotionals, or letters of appreciation.
Get Support If Needed: Christian counseling, spiritual mentorship, or having a coach can help unpack deeper wounds and guide you toward healthy choices.
Bless, Don’t Burden: Release your mom or daughter from being your sole emotional source. Let God fill the places others can’t.
Remember Reconciliation (and Forgiveness) Is a Process: Healing takes time. Some relationships may not be fully restored—and that’s okay. God sees your heart and honors your efforts.
A Final Word: Rooted in Love, Rising in Faith
You are not required to be everything to everyone. You are invited to be fully yourself. As you learn to love yourself as God does, you’ll find greater compassion for those who’ve shaped your story—and clarity about how to move forward with grace.
This May, whether you’re celebrating, grieving, or somewhere in between, know this: You are allowed to grow. You are allowed to set boundaries. And you are allowed to be rooted in love while rising into freedom.
